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Ms. Always-Constantly-Sad is back!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007 x 9:49 PM
Dear dumb diary,
It's been quite a while I haven't blogged. And guess what! My sad moments at home are back, after a couple of months of happier moments, voila! Ms. Always-Constantly-Sad-Everyday is back! And is crying stupidly in front of her laptop!
Well, this is how it began.
I was happily chatting away with my friends on MSN, and my dad just burst into my room asking me whether someone sent me a text message about helping on putting in subtitles for some video thingy? And I said no. It's true. No one did. So he asked me whether I wanted to do it. And I said no again. Coz I really don't feel like doing it. And he started to preach.
In his preach he mentioned that he regretted everything that he's done for the past 6 months. That includes, buying me a laptop, ipod and sending me to New York. According to him, I've turned more like my brother who just lays around on his bed playing the computer game all day long. Well, it's true that I'm always on my laptop day and night, but that's because I really have nothing to do. He told me to work on stuff that I don't want to. What's the point on me working on something half-heartedly? Just to satisfy him? No, thank you!
To be very honest, I kinda regret that I went to New York to. After I've returned, people have been putting high expectations on me. And if I can't meet their expectations, whew, how mad will they be.
I'm just a normal girl, people. A normal teenage girl. A teenage girl that still loves to play, hang around and talk to her friends. Especially when all her friends are so far away across some other continents. Is it wrong that I talk to them? Or is it bad that I make new friends every day or every week? If he's an antisocial, do I have to be an antisocial too?
This is so unfair! Why does he always put the blame on me? How come my sister never gets a scowling if she's on the computer all day long? How come he didn't scold my brother as often as he scolds me? Am I not a part of this family that he treats me differently from the others? It's not that I'm jealous. It's just unfair, you know.
I'm so sorry but I can't always say yes to everything. So sorry I can't be the girl that obeys everything daddy said. I've tried my best to make them proud. Believe me I did. But they never are. And the fact that they never are, cuts me down deep inside. And it always will, coz it's already tattooed there.
